The world of adult dating—whether you’re in your 30s, 40s, or beyond—can feel intimidating. We know from experience, too! The truth is, relationships are complex at any point in our lives.
Understanding our boundaries, needs, and wants goes a long way towards setting us on the right path towards finding a special someone (or someones).
Personal agency—a confidence in knowing and advocating for your health—is a powerful quality. Sexual and relational health is fundamental to your vitality! We know a woman who prioritizes their well-being is the ultimate partner—to themselves and their lover(s).
When you date from a place of self-worth, you actively filter. And that’s a good thing!
Let’s take a deeper dive.
1. The Myth of “Inconvenience”
One hurdle in adult dating is the fear of being called “too complicated,” aka “bringing too much to the table.” Whether you’re experiencing chronic stress, dealing with hormonal changes, or managing multiple relationships in your life, you might want to hide these realities so you don’t get rejected.
Remember: A partner that doesn’t make you feel good about you, exactly where you are, is not the one for you.
Your health challenges should exist openly in your relationship—they are physiological data points that require care. When you approach health proactively, like prioritizing sleep to manage cortisol levels, and then voice your needs to your partner—you are expressing from a place of self-respect.
Managing your health well is an important step in establishing relational boundaries. A partner who views your clarity as a sign of strength is showing up, too.
2. Clarity, Not Compromise
As we gain life experience, we become clearer about what we need and can give in a relationship. Dating with agency means defining and practicing your non-negotiable boundaries from Day One.
For example: If you need decompression time after work, communicate this early. Don’t hide your needs! Use them as a guide towards finding compatibility.
Ask yourself, does this person take responsibility for their feelings? Can they apologize, admit fault, and discuss complex feelings without defensiveness? Emotional maturity is a non-negotiable for stable partnership. You are vetting for a secure partner, not a human project that needs fixing.
P.S. The emotional work of being clear upfront is an investment in your mental health and the partnership…and doing it potentially mitigates painful experiences.
3. Prioritize Comfort!
Sharing quality time, building empathetic communication, and being comfortable together are all examples of intimacy goals. Dating with agency looks like each partner going back to their shared expressed goals to check on themselves and each other. Ask: How am I contributing (or not) to growing these experiences?
Remember that physical challenges are inevitable as we age! Building a joyful, safe, and comfortable core dynamic will support your union when the going gets tough.
If you are managing physical barriers, like pain related to tissue changes (as in Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause), communicate your needs for lubrication or specific sex angles. Finding the recipe for your comfort should be solved jointly!
When you state “I need to take the lead,” or “I need this specific moisturizer to feel good,” you are setting a boundary. This is your sexual self-efficacy at work—the belief in your ability to experience and guide pleasure. Asserting agency in an intimacy dynamic helps minimize anxiety and maximize pleasure.
4. Your Life, Our Lives
Dating healthily in your 30s and beyond means embracing the wisdom you’ve accumulated. You’ve lived—and now you can use your experience to benefit you and your partner(s). Share your emotional depth, achievements, and resilience in this big ol’ game called life.
By prioritizing your health, seeking scientific clarity, and choosing partners who celebrate your boundaries, you’re setting up a solid model for your next relationship. Date and create a reflection of you—the intentional woman you are. And, finally, remember this: The only prerequisite for dating is that you date when you are ready.
Go! And let us know how it’s going in the comments or email us at miavita@femmepharma.com.
Check out this episode of the Love, Mia Vita podcast entitled “Dating 2.0 and the Hereafter” all about dating with eyes wide open. In it, Gerianne DiPiano and Dr. Juliana Hauser delve into the complexities of modern dating, particularly for women navigating relationships in midlife. They discuss the importance of understanding one’s agency, setting boundaries, and the significance of self-discovery in the dating process. The conversation also touches on the challenges of breakups, the role of sex and sexuality in new relationships, and practical tips for dating in today’s world.