How to Beat Hot Flashes and Save Your Sex Life

woman over 40 can't sleep because of hot flashes

If you didn’t know the harsh reality of what a hot flash is and what it does, the term can almost sound sexual. Of course, that couldn’t be further from the truth. For the 75% of menopausal women who experience hot flashes, sex is often the last thing on their minds. Hot flashes involve sudden and recurring sensations of heat and sweating – a look that doesn’t exactly make you feel sexy.

Even worse, hot flashes can trigger anxiety and depression in menopausal women since they can strike at any moment: at the office, on your commute, and yes, even in bed. Sleeping next to your partner can generate a lot of body heat, resulting in night sweats. For some, it can mean an ongoing argument about the thermostat. For others, it leads to sleeping in separate bedrooms.

Hot flashes can put your relationship in serious peril. Here’s how to handle the everyday repercussions of hot flashes without sacrificing your sex life.

Night Sweats

As we mentioned, night sweats are basically hot flashes that happen at night. They present their own unique set of problems: besides regularly waking up drenched in sweat, night sweats can severely disrupt your sleep patterns, causing you to have far less energy during the day. If you and your partner sleep in the same bed, night sweats can easily be triggered by the other person’s body heat.

Not surprisingly, a bout of night sweats probably won’t put you in the mood for sex. To avoid night sweats, try these tips:

  • Turn down the temperature, open a window, or turn on a fan in your room before going to bed.
  • Consider investing in cooling bed sheets made specifically with breathable, moisture-wicked fabrics.
  • Trying wicking sleepwear or cooling pajamas created specifically to combat night sweats. Or better yet, try sleeping in the nude.
  • Make deep-breathing exercises part of your bedtime routine.
  • See your doctor if your night sweats are severely impacting your sex life.

Low libido

It’s true that menopause can cause unexpected changes in your sex drive: some experience a gradual decrease in sexual interest, while others have more sex as a result of becoming empty-nesters. But hot flashes can impact your sex life too. If they’re bad enough that they keep you up at night, sleep becomes a much bigger priority than sex.

If you think that hot flashes are directly impacting your sex life, there’s a good chance that your hot flashes are severe and you should talk to your doctor about treatment options. Your doctor can help you decide if hormone therapy is right for you. If it isn’t, your doctor might prescribe a low-dose antidepressant, a blood pressure medication, an anti-seizure drug, or another prescription that’s right for you.


Sleeplessness during menopause can be brutal: 56% of menopausal women get less than 7 hours of sleep every night. Since estrogen helps promote sleep, the decrease of estrogen that we experience during menopause can make it harder to sleep. Hot flashes and night sweats also prevent sleep, and let’s face it, they’re completely exhausting.

If you find yourself yawning 24/7 during menopause, there’s a good chance that you’re too zonked to make time for sex. But here’s the thing: this is when it’s more important than ever to prioritize sex. It may not sound sexy, but pre-planning when you and your partner have sex can go a long way in strengthening your relationship. Plus, it gives you something to look forward to.


Menopause mood swings are fairly common, thanks to fluctuating levels of hormones during menopause. Some women experience anxiety and develop panic disorders, especially those who have been prone to anxiety in the past or had postpartum depression. But sometimes, other menopause symptoms like hot flashes are the root cause of anxiety.

Because anxiety can make it difficult to get close to a partner, it’s easy for your sex life to suffer when you have anxiety. If your anxiety gets in the way of your everyday life or if you experience panic attacks regularly, speak with your doctor to learn what options are best for you. You might opt to find a therapist who can help you with any anxiety related to sex.

Self-care is important for banishing both anxiety and hot flashes. Eating a balanced diet, making time for exercise, and getting enough sleep is essential for easing anxiety. These things will not only help decrease any anxiety related to your hot flashes, but they will also help you put your best self forward for your partner.

Prioritize sex and banish hot flashes during menopause

There’s no way around it: hot flashes can be debilitating, taking a toll on many aspects of your life – including your sex life. Sticking to a healthy lifestyle and seeing your doctor regularly can make a big difference in the severity of your hot flashes. And don’t forget: they won’t last forever.

To learn more about hot flashes during menopause, read our article: 7 Biggest Myths About Hot Flashes.

Kristen Dunleavy
About the author
Kristen is a Brooklyn-based writer and marketing professional who loves to run.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *